naily done

My toenail fell off.

Well, okay, actually I pulled it off. And I'm talking about the one that's only been hanging on by a thread since I walloped it. I didn't decide to take up self-torture over the weekend. That would be mad.

The weird thing (I mean setting aside the whole weirdness of bits of me dropping off) was that underneath the nail another nail seems to be growing. Well, that's not weird in and of itself - I'd expect a new nail to grow. The weird bit is how it's growing.

See, I'd always assumed that nails basically grow up from the bottom (where that crescent of whiter stuff is and your cuticle is). However, this new nail seems to be sort of coalescing from the pink bit, as if it's rising up or a general hardening of the skin, rather than growing out from the bottom.

It's all a bit odd, really.

And speaking of bits of me that are broken, I had the most horrendous gut ache on Saturday night. The weird thing about it was that I didn't really understand where it had come from.

I will admit that I did eat quite a bit on Saturday, due to an error on the planning front, but I can absolutely guarantee I've eaten more. I didn't really eat anything weird, and I didn't eat anything that I didn't make - no takeaways or anything.

But whatever the cause, I've never known discomfort like it. It wasn't out and out pain as such - if I had to describe it, it was like having already been stabbed in the gut, the person who stabbed me was twisting the knife. So it wasn't like the sharp agony of being stabbed, more like someone aggravating the wound. Not that I've ever been stabbed, you understand.

Anyway, it started late evening and kept going for so long that I eventually gave up trying to sleep. So I got back up and had a glass of milk. By this time of course thoughts of having developed an ulcer or a twisted bowel were surging through my head, so I checked out NHS direct.

It wasn't any use at all, but while I did this I had a glass of milk, in the hopes that it was just some extreme acid indigestion or something. Well, whether it was the milk or not, it gradually started to calm down, but then I was deluged by wind - I was burping up a storm and then on Sunday I was farting like something had crawled up my arse and died.

I'm therefore left stumped as to what caused it, but very relieved it subsided.