self sabotage

I think I might have been engaged in some sabotaging my own weight loss.

Over the last few weeks, while I have been loosing weight, the rate of loss has declined rapidly. And every week I seem to have some sort of reason for why this has happened.

But I'm used to this behaviour from me.

I'm quite good at the creation of reason and justification. It would be too harsh to call it lying as such, but it's in the same ballpark. I'm good at generating excuses. So my dietary slips have been written off as "unavoidable" due to various things.

And while these things have genuinely happened, as I say, it's more of the same generation of reasonable excuses that I'm so very good at. I suppose a familiar word for it would be "spin" - the presentation of facts in such a way that they support the viewpoint you're presenting, or at the least obscure the viewpoint you don't want people to see.

I think this came to a head in the later part of this last week when I released I was going totally off-plan with my diet. I ate loads of stuff that I really shouldn't, giving in to temptation several times. But what made it apparent I was making excuses for myself was that this time there really was no excuse I could come up with to explain it away.

I ate this stuff because I was slipping back into old patterns of behaviour.

Now depending on how you want to take it, I either was or wasn't punished for this. When I weighed myself on Sunday, I found that I had lost no weight - I again weighed 20 stone (well, I actually weighed exactly 20 stone, so may have gained that 0.2 pounds it showed I was under last week, but as noted, I rounded that up, so it was no change).

So I was either punished because I undermined the dieting/exercise activity I did that would have resulted in a drop or I got away with it in that my splurging on bad food didn't make me gain weight. Either way, it made my target of 19 stone by around my birthday a little more difficult, which is why I decided to do this "confessional" type post.

I think this slippage relates primarily to a weird affect I'm finding from the weight loss, which I'll continue with tomorrow