so what to do?

I've dedicated the last couple of days to trying to understand why I've been self-sabotaging my own diet.

I'm not entirely sure I articulated it very well, but the basic point is that I've been really noticing the weight loss this last few weeks. Before Christmas I personally was a little surprised by the apparent lack of difference, but in the last few weeks there have been a lot of signs.

The most apparent one and the one that I think scared me into comfort eating (I think that's what I've really been doing - I don't think I've actually been engaged in self-sabotage, it's just that's the net effect) was the changes I can see in my reflection, but there have been others. These have included the fact that all of my clothes are really loose, the fact I've started to be able to feel the structure of my underling muscles and bones beneath all the flab when I rub or scratch myself and the fact I can now walk quite long distances at a good pace and that there's much less need for recovery afterwards.

I think it's probably my dogged sticking to my exercise routine that's actually compensated for the comfort eating I've been doing, so I don't think there's any problem with that side of things. If I'm honest, the walking can seem like quite chore some times, especially if the weather is inclement, but I'm always glad I went for a walk when I get back.

So the bit I need to fix is the eating.

In particular, I've been tending to splurge out in the evenings and generally my eating has gone a bit wonky at the weekends.

For the evenings I think the fix mainly comes down to the application of willpower. It's how I managed to get myself to start this process and it's how I need to get myself out of it. I do think I might start adding in some extra fruit during the week nights. Wednesday lunch I pop into town in order to do some domestic stuff, including popping into Sainsbury's to get any bits I need.

This opens me up to the temptation of buying bad stuff (usually from the bakery section, baked goods being one of my real weaknesses) but I think instead I'll try to buy some healthy fruit or, in particular, salad stuff.

Now that the winter seems to finally be lifting, we're getting into salad season and I think this is also a key to the weekend as well. I mentioned before I was trying to eat up my stockpiles (this was probably the start of the whole comfort eating thing, though I didn't realise it) and I've been doing this at the weekends, so I need to shift the focus away from these and on to salads and things of that ilk.

While I like salad it's not something I find I can really eat during the chillier months. There's something about that combination of cold food and cold weather that turns me off, but if the thermometer keeps ascending then I think I'll be okay to make the switch.