Friday 25 March 2011

F1 season start, take 2

So this weekend sees the Formula one season get going after the cancellation of the Bahrain GP.

And events in Bahrain have kinda backed up what I was talking about a couple of weeks ago. A country where dozens of peaceful demonstrators are shot to death and neighbouring countries with equally despotic leaders are asked to send troops in to crush the rebellion doesn't really sound like the sort of place I want my sport to be endorsing. Unless it resolves in the direction of giving the people greater say in the running of their own country, I think we should be staying away.

Anyway, at least the Australian GP should be going ahead.

I've been trying to keep up with the F1 stuff during the off-season, though I tend to forget about it. The new cars look a little different - they've got a longer wheel base, to give them more room for these KERS systems. This seems to have manifested itself as a longer, pointier nose on most cars, which seems a little odd, but I'm sure I'll get used to it.

I must say I'm not sure about the whole re-inclusion of KERS as well as this rear-wing idea. KERS was okay as a concept, but they way it was implemented when it first came in seemed to make it a bit of a damp squib. If it had been a done more simply, such as they could only use it to overtake, and it had been more powerful, I think it would have worked better.

And the rear-wing idea seems to be even more complicated - you can only use it if you're within a certain distance of the car in front, and only on a designated straight, but not within x laps of the start and they can't use it to defend. I've a horrible feeling we're going to see a few people hang around behind the car in front until the very last lap and then use it to blast past and get points they don't really deserve.

What's more annoying is these all seem to be sops to the real problem that the cars have become horribly reliant on aerodynamic down force, which prevents them getting close enough to each other. Hopefully the rule changes proposed for future years - the introduction of ground effect in particular will sort that out, though.

After going on about whether I would watch the MotoGP last Friday, the practicalities of the situation actually prevented me from doing so - I'd forgotten it was being shown quite late on the Sunday as it was in foreign climes, so in the end I recorded it and will have to catch up later on.

Thursday 24 March 2011

the punisher: war zone

This weekend's rental, Punisher: War Zone got a bit of a drubbing from the critics and was something of a flop at the box office.

However, I actually quite enjoyed it.

I mean, I don't think it was a particularly great film in the sense of being a deep story, but it basically did exactly what was written on the tin and I enjoyed it for that. I think also that a point made in the commentary track by the director was a good one and that many of the critics were probably completely unfamiliar with the tone and nature of the comics it was based so they kinda missed the point.

I think probably they did miss the point, but I'm not sure it's fair to expect them to make themselves familiar with the specific source material. To be frank, although I'd probably still say the punisher was one of my favourite characters, I've not read any of the comics in a very long time. In particular, I'm completely unfamiliar with the war zone comic this is essentially an adaptation of.

I think a big part of my interest in the punisher is the muddle of contradictions of the character. For those unfamiliar, he's basically bent on revenge after mobsters killed his family. And yet, unlike the rest of the Marvel canon, that revenge takes the form of killing criminals - and we're talking ordinary criminals, rather than super villains. Frank Castle is a mass murderer, but he's a mass murderer of people who break the law.

But for me there's all sorts of interest levels within that - where does he draw the line? Would he kill someone who parked illegally? When he's killing hardened mob bosses who the traditional justice system doesn't catch, you can kind of see it as justifiable, but what about a mugger or a junkie?

He has an appallingly fascist outlook, and yet he's supposed to have been a loving family man. These are the things that always interested me about the character, but they're not really explored in the film. The approach that tends to be focused on is that he really did love his family and is bent on revenge and wants to eradicate crime in order to make the world safe for other families.

This film follows that route, as I presume the comic did, and for what it is, it does work. And I think you really have to bear that in mind when watching it.

Although, to be fair, the film does have some weird contradictions in it. Early on, the mob bosses are depicted as weirdly stereotypical and when the Jigsaw character gets going he's weirdly camp. He actually reminded me a lot of Batman's Joker character and there did seem to be a desire to play it for laughs, which did work, but wasn't quite what I was expecting.

I dunno - a character like that can be a really fine balance, but I think the difference is that the Joker has that maniacal humour built into him, whereas the Jigsaw I knew was always just a really mean bastard.

Wednesday 23 March 2011

so what to do?

I've dedicated the last couple of days to trying to understand why I've been self-sabotaging my own diet.

I'm not entirely sure I articulated it very well, but the basic point is that I've been really noticing the weight loss this last few weeks. Before Christmas I personally was a little surprised by the apparent lack of difference, but in the last few weeks there have been a lot of signs.

The most apparent one and the one that I think scared me into comfort eating (I think that's what I've really been doing - I don't think I've actually been engaged in self-sabotage, it's just that's the net effect) was the changes I can see in my reflection, but there have been others. These have included the fact that all of my clothes are really loose, the fact I've started to be able to feel the structure of my underling muscles and bones beneath all the flab when I rub or scratch myself and the fact I can now walk quite long distances at a good pace and that there's much less need for recovery afterwards.

I think it's probably my dogged sticking to my exercise routine that's actually compensated for the comfort eating I've been doing, so I don't think there's any problem with that side of things. If I'm honest, the walking can seem like quite chore some times, especially if the weather is inclement, but I'm always glad I went for a walk when I get back.

So the bit I need to fix is the eating.

In particular, I've been tending to splurge out in the evenings and generally my eating has gone a bit wonky at the weekends.

For the evenings I think the fix mainly comes down to the application of willpower. It's how I managed to get myself to start this process and it's how I need to get myself out of it. I do think I might start adding in some extra fruit during the week nights. Wednesday lunch I pop into town in order to do some domestic stuff, including popping into Sainsbury's to get any bits I need.

This opens me up to the temptation of buying bad stuff (usually from the bakery section, baked goods being one of my real weaknesses) but I think instead I'll try to buy some healthy fruit or, in particular, salad stuff.

Now that the winter seems to finally be lifting, we're getting into salad season and I think this is also a key to the weekend as well. I mentioned before I was trying to eat up my stockpiles (this was probably the start of the whole comfort eating thing, though I didn't realise it) and I've been doing this at the weekends, so I need to shift the focus away from these and on to salads and things of that ilk.

While I like salad it's not something I find I can really eat during the chillier months. There's something about that combination of cold food and cold weather that turns me off, but if the thermometer keeps ascending then I think I'll be okay to make the switch.

Tuesday 22 March 2011

the different me in the mirror

As mentioned yesterday, I've been sabotaging my own weight loss.

I think the root cause of this is actually something that I've been thinking about for a while now, in that I look different.

As I discussed in my set of posts about how the weight loss was planned and started a few weeks ago, part of the reason for loosing the weight is a desire not too look so bad. I don't want to be a fat blob any more - or, at the very least, I don't want to be a morbidly obese blob anymore; I'll decide if I mind being a simply fat blob when I eventually get there.

Anyway, the point is that loosing weight obviously changes how you look and this is a part of why I want to loose the weight.

Back when I was in uni doing my Physics degree, one of the subjects we covered was something called Fourier analysis. I won't try to explain this, but the prof explaining it mentioned that he had a theory that we all have mental Fourier filters.

These filters act on the image we see in the mirror, in order to kind of "smooth out" the bad bits (clearly this is for normal perceptions, not those with things like Anorexia). This he suggested was why most people can look at themselves in the mirror, but instantly hate seeing ourselves in photos - in a mirror your image is reversed, so your filter is based on that reversed image.

A simpler way to think about it is that the things we see in the mirror every day we get used to.

Now as I mentioned a few weeks ago I've been fat for most of my life, so my filter is processing out that fatness. I don't see a blob in the mirror, but I do in photos (oh boy do I).

Having lost what amounts to around a fifth of my entire body weight these filters have therefore started to be presented with a similar problem when I see myself in the mirror. I keep catching my reflection and seeing parts of my body that didn't used to look like that and because my filter isn't adjusted yet, it's oddly alarming.

You know, this is actually proving really difficult to explain, because I'm also fully aware that my initial blobness is entirely self-inflicted. If someone is injured and gets a big, nasty scar on their face, it's a whole different ball game to if you spent your life sat on your arse eating pies.

My point is that even though those bits that didn't used to look like that are the beginnings of the changes I want to see I think they've also been alarming me in a similar way that the face-scar would. You can understand the face scar thing, because it's your brain alerting you to something you need to pay attention to - something could be wrong that you need to sort out. It's just my brain is doing that even though the underlying change is a good one that I want.

Monday 21 March 2011

self sabotage

I think I might have been engaged in some sabotaging my own weight loss.

Over the last few weeks, while I have been loosing weight, the rate of loss has declined rapidly. And every week I seem to have some sort of reason for why this has happened.

But I'm used to this behaviour from me.

I'm quite good at the creation of reason and justification. It would be too harsh to call it lying as such, but it's in the same ballpark. I'm good at generating excuses. So my dietary slips have been written off as "unavoidable" due to various things.

And while these things have genuinely happened, as I say, it's more of the same generation of reasonable excuses that I'm so very good at. I suppose a familiar word for it would be "spin" - the presentation of facts in such a way that they support the viewpoint you're presenting, or at the least obscure the viewpoint you don't want people to see.

I think this came to a head in the later part of this last week when I released I was going totally off-plan with my diet. I ate loads of stuff that I really shouldn't, giving in to temptation several times. But what made it apparent I was making excuses for myself was that this time there really was no excuse I could come up with to explain it away.

I ate this stuff because I was slipping back into old patterns of behaviour.

Now depending on how you want to take it, I either was or wasn't punished for this. When I weighed myself on Sunday, I found that I had lost no weight - I again weighed 20 stone (well, I actually weighed exactly 20 stone, so may have gained that 0.2 pounds it showed I was under last week, but as noted, I rounded that up, so it was no change).

So I was either punished because I undermined the dieting/exercise activity I did that would have resulted in a drop or I got away with it in that my splurging on bad food didn't make me gain weight. Either way, it made my target of 19 stone by around my birthday a little more difficult, which is why I decided to do this "confessional" type post.

I think this slippage relates primarily to a weird affect I'm finding from the weight loss, which I'll continue with tomorrow