Friday, 31 January 2014

the big day of horror

So today is the day of the meeting to discuss my disciplinary.

Well, I think that's what today is.  It's all a bit unclear: imagine that - a lack of clarity where I work.  It's as if the whole organisation is an appalling shambles!

It'll either go horribly or be horrible.

I guess the real question is over whether I'll loose my job or not.

I'll keep you posted.  I guess at least with it being Friday I'll have the weekend to come to terms with it all, though it's been quite unpleasant having to wait so long.

Thursday, 30 January 2014


Going back even further into stuff I should have blogged about at the time, I've been experiencing quite the horrible time with traffic lights.

It started about 6 months ago when they started doing some work in Farnham.

It appeared to be water works, but it was quite widespread.  Indeed, they shut off Upper Hale Road, which is a pretty major route and takes a lot of traffic - particularly at commuting time.  There are a couple of ways around, but most are fairly long-winded.  They diverted traffic around, but it sent it into the clutches of more of the same roadworks, so the roads got pretty busy for a while.

And then they got worse.

You see, at the exact same time some work was done on the house that's on the corner of that upper hale junction.  This necessitated lights as they had to block off one of the carriageways, so now you've got traffic being diverted that's also being subjected to temporary lights, and temporary lights are always a traffic snarl up.

Okay, no problem, I can take a slightly longer route along Weybourne Road that allows me to avoid that whole junction... except they then started some work at the cross-roads there that also necessitated some temporary lights.  So you've now got people who know the ways round the original lights adding to the originally busy traffic that's also subject to lights.

To get around these I had to use one of my super long cuts, which meant I still had to go through the lights, but I was coming at them from a direction with a lot fewer cars, so I had one long wait, rather than 3 or 4.  However, it was a good 10 minutes plus longer journey time anyway, so I wasn't really saving anything.

And then things got even more fun, as they started some work on the roads near Farnham station and suddenly we've got temporary lights on the A31 and a load of displaced traffic as well.

Honestly, it felt like they were attempting to block me in with roadwork's - it eventually got to the stage that I couldn't even contemplate a super-bonkers "drive in the opposite direction" route to get avoid roadworks as they had some in the other direction as well.

I copied the following pic from a website that shows works. I'm not sure it's 100% clear, but you can see all the roadworks in what is a very small area so you get the point.

The thing is, though, once they'd finished all that in Farnham, they've decided to dig up Alton as well.  It's water works again, so I'm guessing they're doing the same sort of thing.  They're certainly slowly making their way up a road, but with these Alton works they're doing them across one of the main routes in from the A31.

Indeed, while there are some rat-runs you can use, they're huge extra distance.  Plus they're on quite minor roads, and it can be quite painful if cars are coming the other way.  I actually swore off using one of them some time ago for these reasons.

With how early I come in in the morning, it usually only adds about 5 minutes to my journey, but in the evenings if I'm not hanging round it can be a good 10 to 15 minutes.  On a half hour journey that's pretty significant.

At least with these they're not really doubling them up.

Tuesday, 28 January 2014


So they've decided we're going to have some sort of meeting on Friday about the situation of my fuck-up.  I think I'll be officially reprimanded/disciplined in some way.

Unfortunately, this can't happen until Friday, as my line manager only does 1 day a week (one of the many classic ridiculous situations my company seems to generate).  I've therefore been quite stressed with it all.

My personality type is one of those that focuses on the negative.  I do my best to change my thinking patterns and not to dwell, but it's quite difficult.  Particularly, I think, given my life is quite a solitary one - my hobbies are generally ones that I do on my own.  I understand having more "RL" stuff in your life is quite helpful in helping you get perspective on things.

Anyway, point is I've been quite worried.

Last Thursday, when it happened, I was actually worried that I may get the sack.  I am not quite as scared of this as I was then, but I think it is still a possibility.

A big part of the problem really is that the boss managed to make a massive mess out of it.  Now I was the root cause of that mess, so I have blame, but a way to think about it is if my boss basically punched one person (normal person level reaction) versus dropping a 50 megatonne "Tsar Bomba" on a city.  That therefore escalates the slice of shit I'm required to eat.

See, part of the problem is we should never have been fucking bidding this in the first place.  There were numerous points were they'd said "If x does/doesn't happen then we'll no bid".  Every single one of those happened, yet we kept going.  We also received several other pieces of information that meant we should not have bid, but of course that didn't stop us.

I therefore think my boss seized on this as a way to get the competition pulled, so my boss leapt straight in with heavy boots and of course, it became a giant mess.  Now there is a whole strand of argument as to quite what this really achieves - if you want to piss a customer off, getting their competition cancelled is a pretty good way to achieve it, but that's a bit beside the point.

What is the point is that I'm sick of working here.

Monday, 27 January 2014

take that fatso

So last week I weirdly gained 1 pound.

This week I pleasingly lost 4 pounds.  This means I now weigh 20 stone 9 pounds.  That means my BMI is still in the "morbidly obese" range, but only by about 2 or 3 pounds.

I've reached a good way below that before, as I've said.  I got down to about 19 stone 6 pounds at best, so I've still got 1 stone 3 pounds to get back down to that level.  In other words of the 1 stone 8 pounds, which is 22 pounds, I needed to loose to get down there I've lost about 7 pounds.

My ultimate goal is a fairly significant range.  My target is 18 stones, which will put me half-way up the "obese" range (BMI 35).  I will be very pleased if I get down there.  My kick-starter-style stretch target is 15 stone 5 pounds, which puts me just on the cusp of being "overweight" and obese (BMI 30).

I'm fully aware BMI is not seen as being the best of measures.  The whole waist-size ratio thing is supposed to be a much better simple measure, for example (the really good ones are not ones you can measure at home).  However, there's also a problem there that I am one of these people you see on the extreme weight loss programs where they end up with loads of extra skin.

As such, waist is going to become quite the deceptive measure for me.  Now of course it also impacts weight as you're carrying around all this extra skin, but that's kinda a bonus thing in a way - I'll know that I weigh less than what I apparently do, if you see what I mean.

Plus I'm a long way off from either measure really mattering in terms of fine details.

So yeah, I'm doing okay.  Still no real explanation for the "up" last week, but if going 4 steps down, 1 step back, 4 steps down isn't too bad.

I have, however, had to work quite hard at it this week.  I've been going for particularly long walks first thing in the morning and there were a couple of days where I ate quite minimally.  In particular when I was at the height of worry over this job thing I found my stomach a bit too "churny" to eat.