Oh dear.
I said when I reviewed it that I didn't hate the first Transformers film. It was by the much-hated Michael Bay and it seemed to draw a fair amount of flack, but I personally thought it was okay as a popcorn action movie.
Don't get me wrong - there were a few things that didn't quite work for me and they fiddled with stuff in a way that also didn't quite work (Bumblebee isn't a VW bug?), but it was an enjoyable enough action movie with big giant transforming robots. There was also some internal logic to the thing, particularly as it went for a fairly simple story.
The second film is an abomination, particularly in this case because the plot is horrible and almost nothing makes any sense.
I guess I should warn for spoilers as I thought I'd lay out some of the more annoying ones.
A particularly galling thing was when the decepticons revive megatron. At the end of the first film they dumped him and some of the other decepticons at the bottom of the Marianas Trench (I think - certainly into the sea). Quite why they did this instead of smashing them to atoms I'm not sure, but in this film to revive them all they do is send down some repairing robots who stitch them back together and all's fine.
Clearly being killed, broken up, and dumped at the bottom of the ocean, subjecting their metal bodies to salt water, incredible cold and staggering pressure is absolutely no problem for your average decepticon... So why didn't Prime tell them to do something more effective!
Of course later on in the film, when Prime dies, they have to go through some rigmarole involving an ancient artefact and a sock (don't ask) to revive him. Yeah, because consistency is for pussies!
Then there's the bit where the decepticons go after Buster with a human-impersonating Decepticon. A human impersonating decepticon who is incredibly realistic. Because of course if you were able to impersonate humans you wouldn't do something like impersonate all the world leaders and take over the place. No, you'd impersonate a hot chick in order to try to get at some knowledge Buster has.
Then there's the whole thing about Megatron working for some uber-evil dude who lives on the moon. Yeah, the uber-evil dude who there's no mention of in the first film at all.
The uber-evil dude who all the other primes in ancient times (eh?) had to sacrifice themselves to create what is basically a key for his uber-evil device that he was going to use to kill life in the galaxy instead of kicking his ass. Y'know, the uber-evil device hidden inside the pyramids that we've never spotted before.
What the fuck is this bull-shit?
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